It always starts with a first step....
….But I Don’t Want To Start I always introduce myself to anyone I do not know when I walk into an uncomfortable situation. I try not to make small talk, but it’s inevitable, so I’ll ask how they are, where they are from, blah blah blah. If they are from a region I am familiar with, I always ask if they know someone that I know from there. Why? Well beside it just being another question to ease the tension, it’s a small world and if we do know the same person barriers are toppled. We can really get to the nitty gritty of talking to one another. That initial interaction is so uncomfortable, even excruciating to get through at times, (like the ones that you don’t even have a drink to help pass the time) that the start of anything seems daunting.
I hate the beginnings, of almost everything.
I know hate is a strong word, but it is the simplest form of emotion that I feel when I have to start adulting. First dates, eating healthy, writing an article, I always have the same thought.... "but I don't wanna". The beginning for me is frustrating, not because it is hard or I fear change. I love challenges that make me fearful, it has always meant something exciting is about to happen. I don't hate it because I am afraid of failing either, my idea on failure is practically the same as change, it is a chance for us to grow and see what we need to improve. If I put my entire effort toward a project and come up short, I don’t feel down because I did not fully succeed, it only tells me how I have to do it next time.
The reason I can't stand the first steps into a new venture is because I HATE LOOKING STUPID!
Especially when I am putting an effort forth and don't get the results that my overly ambitious mind has projected. It's easier to stay at a job you hate rather then quit and follow your passion. I mean what if it doesn't work? Or to stay overweight rather than make drastic life changes that could affect friends, routines, or people’s perceptions (even if they are positive perceptions). Leaving a comfy job or going to the gym for those first weeks are so uncomfortable because we have the idea that we “don’t belong”. Every time I go on stage to tell jokes, I am waiting for someone to stand up and scream “FRAUD, THAT DUDE IS A FUCKING FRAUD” All because of that first step.
I’ve grown up in Southern California my entire life, but I don’t surf. It’s always been readily available, plenty of friends welcome me to paddle out with them. I just don’t want to look like a jack ass for 2 years while I get my barrings out there. This sounds like I am saying don’t try, but it’s the farthest from what I mean. Surfing to me is an activity that I don’t have a passion for, I don’t have a want or need to become great at surfing. Now stand-up comedy, writing, being "bout that action" are all things I am willing to look like an asshole, all the time, just to obtain those dreams.
These days I look stupid on a daily basis, but that's by design (I think). More likely I've just gotten used to my dumb dumb idiocrasies plus my habits that calm me, similar to how a heroin addict feels.
Basically after years of trying and failing to lose weight, one foot in and one foot out, I said fuck it and went all in. Personal growth is impossible without feeling uncomfortable, think back to the first time you met your best friend, had a new haircut that you hated but then grew on you, or that time you "kissed that girl and you liked it". Sure there are going to be more shitty uncomfortable situations that will turn out bad, but it only takes one great one to inspire a change in ourselves. Even if you have to sift through hundreds of experiences that being uncomfortable taught you nothing. When you meet a complete stranger and you both have a common friend, it is worth asking those 99 other people and them saying no.
Back in May 2014 I weighed 240 pounds, I am only 5’11” and it took all my effort to put on one sock. For real, I am talking putting one sock on and being out of breath. I had to do some major brain modifications for me to be the person that I wanted to become. I’m not a professional trainer or a nutritionist, but I was willing to change everything in my life in order to achieve this goal. This is just my story of how I lost 80 pounds in a year. These next few weeks of January I will publish articles about my journey, books/articles I read, and how I changed my entire life.
Adam Shawesh - Comedian, Writer, and Overall Dope
firstname.lastname@example.org - find me on mapmyrun
Facebook - Adam Khalifa Shawesh
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